drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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