I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize