Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize