when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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