I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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