You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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