i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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