please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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