Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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