I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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