Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need a beard to bite.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize