you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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