By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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