Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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