1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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