there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize