There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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