Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize