In the future we'll all be gay
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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