I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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