That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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