Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
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It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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