Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have demons in me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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