Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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