whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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