i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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