So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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