Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We don't watch enough power rangers
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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