he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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