I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize