She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize