pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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