Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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