Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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