Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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