from now on my penis is your penis
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
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Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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