my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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