And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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