Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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(301): Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up. http://tfl.nu/txq5

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(450): View more from Quebec

Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.

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(450): Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting. http://tfl.nu/m2ej

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(317): View more from Indiana

im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.

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(317): im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like. http://tfl.nu/djvv

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(408): View more from California

I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

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(408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3

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(509): View more from Washington

after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery

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(509): after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery http://tfl.nu/ntn4

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(734): View more from Michigan

He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.

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(734): He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good. http://tfl.nu/bj85

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(307): View more from Wyoming

And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.

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(307): And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door. http://tfl.nu/qc62

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(720): View more from Colorado

maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.

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(720): maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on. http://tfl.nu/wqnd

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(518): View more from New York

Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

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(518): Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass. http://tfl.nu/ms9b

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.

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(843): I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are. http://tfl.nu/lq46

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(231): View more from Michigan

if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid

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(231): if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid http://tfl.nu/52hr

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(469): View more from Texas

One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism

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(469): One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism http://tfl.nu/54iy

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(757): View more from Virginia

So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.

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(757): So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied. http://tfl.nu/fpwe

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(858): View more from California

we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.

(858): View more from California

Where did he get the tophat?

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(858): we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat. (858): Where did he get the tophat? http://tfl.nu/1w08

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(408): View more from California

MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE

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(408): MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE http://tfl.nu/oud3

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