You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize