that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize