Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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