i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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