There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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Someone came in the potted fern
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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