It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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