Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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