so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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