Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My first STD was from a foam party
I will die if light touches me.
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I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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