the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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