My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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