She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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